Daily Trojan - March 22, 2001 Time For March Madness, Baby! by RAYMOND LEW It's madness time, USC! And we ain't just talking basketball either, we're talking dorms and apartments, studios and suites, duplexes and bungalows! PTH is what I'm talking about—Prime Time Housing, baby! This has to be one of the most exciting times of the year for USC. You start off with a little more than 4,000 students, make them go through a grueling application and lottery process...and a few weeks later, boom-shaka-laka! Were talking shakeout city, 49ers style—stick it in the housing strainer and see how many students fall through. In the end, you're talking about 3,000 kids jumping for joy, and another 1,000 kids looking for a place to nest their cardboard boxes. It's a no-holds-barred, dog-eat-dog world this time of year. "Beware the Ides of March?" Welcome to the real world, baby! Of course, it all begins with the dreaded lottery. Selection Sunday. The committee always has a tough task at hand, having to assign random lotto numbers to all 4,000+ students who signed up for USC housing. Do you start with #1 or #0001? Do you send notification by e-mail or U.S. mail? These are the types of decisions that have to be made before the madness really begins. But before you know it, that big 'ol postcard is sitting in your mailbox. "What the?! What do you mean I got seeded 3297th?" If you happen to get a bad draw, here's hoping for upset city, baby! Better pray that your roommate got a top seed or you'll find yourself shooting area-code J's until that off-campus housing comes through for you. What's that? You want some advice about roommates? Let Raymie L. give you the 411. You want a blender, an unselfish player, a person you can lean on. You don't want an MIA-er or a Mr. Pac Man who'll eat you alive on expenses. It's all about the team, baby! It's all in the family, just the ten of us, a full house! So you've chosen your roommates and got a lotto number...now what? It's all about the preparation, baby! Start doing your research now or else you'll end up a streetwalker in the fall. Are you gonna go on-campus or do you start dialing 323? If there's one guy occupying a four-person, two-bedroom apartment, do you bring two of your buddies along for the three-on-one, or are you gonna play it isolation man and go at it on your own? Will you be fine in a studio or do you need a full kitchen in your apartment? Are you gonna play it Steven Sample style or go with the Shake 'n Bake? Decisions, decisions! And what if you don't have time to do the research? You're gonna have to dish the rock, baby! Pass off the responsibility to another surf and turfer, give it to the engine, the human space ship for the dipsy-doo dunk-a-roo! This is fall housing we're talking about—no time to play MJ, its all about bringing a W to the table. Get that contract signed, baby! Finally, the big day arrives! Check out the hysteria, the commotion, the clueless R3 administrators! Time to go in there and see what your options are. Housing is being gobbled up as we speak. No time to stand around, we're talking Indianapolis Raceway, up-tempo, pick your housing, then get the hell out. Do you go for the 2...or the 3-person bedroom? Are you gonna press all out for Cardinal Gardens or start taking it molasses and go for Sierra? Whatever you do, don't become an iceman—stay loose, take a deep breath. What happened to your game plan?! Just stick to the game plan and you'll come out Mr. Clean, baby! Trifecta—signed, sealed and delivered! Its Domino's Pizza—done in 30 minutes! You did it! You're master of your domain, king of the castle, lord of the manor, baby! Bust out the Yoo Hoo and apple cider, we're going juvenile with this celebration! Housing has been chosen, contract has been signed, deposit has been paid for. What's left to do? Ah yes, A-1 thinking, right on the money—call your mother, baby! "Mom...mom! You won't believe it! I got USC housing!" Copyright 2001 by the Daily Trojan. All rights reserved. This article was published in Vol. 142, No. 42 (Thursday, March 22, 2001), beginning on page 8 and ending on page 10.